{"id":131,"date":"2000-08-21T10:50:00","date_gmt":"2000-08-21T17:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bibik.org\/blog\/?p=131"},"modified":"2000-08-21T10:50:00","modified_gmt":"2000-08-21T17:50:00","slug":"131","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/2000\/08\/21\/131\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"

Date Negotiations<\/a>
\n
Cast:
\n
Bruce- Gerald
\n
Mark- Gerald
\n
[Bruce is behind his desk, rubbing a credit or business card down his cheek.]
\n
Mark: [enters the office] Gerald. <\/p>\n

Bruce: Gerald! How are you, ya old skunk? <\/p>\n

Mark: Ah, how are you, ya old snake? <\/p>\n

[They begin shaking hands.] <\/p>\n

Bruce: Pretty good. [laughs] Good to see ya. Hey, how was your weekend? <\/p>\n

Mark: Aw, not too bad. A little too short, though; how was yours? <\/p>\n

Bruce: [laughs] Good, but a little short. <\/p>\n

[Both laugh.] <\/p>\n

Bruce: Business. <\/p>\n

Mark: Yeah. <\/p>\n

[They finally stop shaking and sit down–Bruce behind his desk and Mark in the chair in front of it.] <\/p>\n

Both: So. <\/p>\n

[Pause.] <\/p>\n

Mark: Well, I would now be willing to take a look at the proposal your client is making to my Lori. <\/p>\n

Bruce: On behalf of Dennis I’m, um, happy to show it to you. <\/p>\n

[He hands Mark one large index card, which Mark looks at.] <\/p>\n

Bruce: It’s perfectly straightforward. <\/p>\n

Mark: A little too damn straightforward, Gerald; don’t you think? <\/p>\n

Bruce: Uh…what do you mean? <\/p>\n

Mark: I’m sorry. I can in no way say that this represents the interests of my client. <\/p>\n

Bruce: It’s a standard itinerary, Gerald–dinner, dancing, and [mumbles into his hand] intercourse. <\/p>\n

Mark: [abruptly] I beg your pardon? <\/p>\n

Bruce: [confident] Dinner, dancing, and intercourse. <\/p>\n

Mark: You mean a quick *hump*, don’t you Gerald?! <\/p>\n

Bruce: I do not mean a quick hump, Gerald! Do not use that expression in this office! Children come in here! <\/p>\n

Mark: “Dinner, dancing, and intercourse”–what do you think my client is, huh? A 90-dollar-an-evening hooker? <\/p>\n

Bruce: This is dinner at the *Plaza*, Gerald. <\/p>\n

Mark: Oh really?! So, she’s a 120-dollar-an-evening hooker, is that it? <\/p>\n

Bruce: Well, at least a hooker comes across. [pause] I can’t believe I said that. <\/p>\n

Mark: Gerald, do I sense that, uh, your client has certain feelings for my client? <\/p>\n

Bruce: My client makes 62,000 dollars a year. <\/p>\n

Mark: Ah. But, does your client have certain emotional interests towards my client. <\/p>\n

Bruce: He’s got a really great car and a moustache. <\/p>\n

Mark: Gerald, does your client love my client? <\/p>\n

Bruce: Yes! No! He’s not sure. [pause] Back off Gerald! <\/p>\n

Mark: I’ll back off, but perhaps now you’d be willing to take a look at the proposal my client is making to your client. <\/p>\n

Bruce: [big sigh] <\/p>\n

[Mark opens up his briefcase and drops a folder containing a thick stack of papers onto the desk. Bruce opens the folder and flips through a few pages without really looking anything.] <\/p>\n

Bruce: You forgot one thing, Gerald. <\/p>\n

Mark: What’s that? <\/p>\n

Bruce: The actual date of the wedding and the color of the bridesmaids’ gowns!<\/p>\n

Mark: Come off it Gerald. It’s a standard 17-week dating commitment. All my client wants to do is to get to know your client. <\/p>\n

Bruce: Hey, all my client wants to do is get to know your client. <\/p>\n

Mark: In a completely different way! <\/p>\n

Bruce: I don’t know, I think she’s gotten to know quite a few clients. [Opens up desk drawer, ready to take out folders.] Let’s just look at her roster of ex-boyfriends. <\/p>\n

Mark: Gerald, that’s inadmissible and you know it! <\/p>\n

Bruce: [realizes his error and gently closes the drawer.] The Doobie Brothers?? <\/p>\n

[pause] <\/p>\n

Mark: All right, perhaps we were a little hasty with the 17-week dating commitment. Perhaps we can accommodate the obvious interests of your client a bit more. How about this: a six date schedule with possible sexual intercourse on date six. <\/p>\n

Bruce: Gerald, I’m no longer interested in this “possible sexual intercourse” you keep selling me on. Last time, it turned out to be a cheap handjob at the drive in. <\/p>\n

Mark: Your client ejaculated, Gerald! <\/p>\n

Bruce: Sadly. Very sadly. Let’s just let sleeping dogs lie, shall we? [pause] Three date schedule, guaranteed sexual intercourse on dates two and three. <\/p>\n

Mark: Uh uh. Five date schedule, guaranteed sexual intercourse on date five. Now that’s a one-way ticket to Loveland, Gerald. That’s a heap of good lovin’. That’s a Love-o-rama. That’s a Love Fest. That’s a Love Woodstock, for God’s sake. Come back to me. <\/p>\n

[Long pause. Bruce has a goofy smile on his face, in thought.] <\/p>\n

Bruce: Gerald. [calling him in closer] Gerry. [closer] Ger. . .Guh. Why don’t we forget the guaranteed sexual intercourse clause. <\/p>\n

Mark: Okay. <\/p>\n

Bruce: Why don’t we let nature take it’s course. <\/p>\n

Mark: Fine! <\/p>\n

Bruce: You know the good old fashioned way? <\/p>\n

Mark: [eagerly] Yeah, okay. <\/p>\n

Bruce: A one date schedule with a guarantee that your client will consume 27-ounces of gin on that evening. <\/p>\n

Mark: Come off it Gerald! That’s panty peeler and you know it. <\/p>\n

Bruce: Call it what you will, it’s a tool of the trade. <\/p>\n

Mark: Sorry Gerald. C’mon, she only weighs 105 pounds, for God’s sake. <\/p>\n

Bruce: I believe she weighs 111 pounds, Gerald. <\/p>\n

Mark: In shoes! [pause] All right. I can’t see letting her drink more than 8-ounces of gin. <\/p>\n

Bruce: Jeez, I think she can drink, uh, 14-ounces of gin. <\/p>\n

Mark: Maybe 10, maybe 10. <\/p>\n

Bruce: I think she could scarf down 12-ounces of gin. <\/p>\n

Mark: 11-ounces of gin. <\/p>\n

Bruce: 12-ounces of gin on an empty stomach. <\/p>\n

Mark: 11 on an empty stomach. <\/p>\n

Bruce: [taps his fingers on the desk, calculating in his head.] 111. . .Done! <\/p>\n

Mark: Okay. <\/p>\n

[Both getting up] <\/p>\n

Mark: I’ll have my secretary pick up the contracts Monday. <\/p>\n

[They lean over and kiss each other on the cheek. Mark turns to leave and then they do a subtle double take.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Date Negotiations Cast: Bruce- Gerald Mark- Gerald [Bruce is behind his desk, rubbing a credit or business card down his cheek.] Mark: [enters the office] Gerald. Bruce: Gerald! How are you, ya old skunk? Mark: Ah, how are you, ya old snake? [They begin shaking hands.] Bruce: Pretty good. [laughs] Good to see ya. Hey, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-131","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=131"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=131"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=131"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bibik.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}