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<adam1> my gf supposedly has “issues” with me

<Hiroe> Heh, my ex didn’t have just a few issues, she had a fuckin *Subscription*

So, I get home from work a bit late today, 5 PM to be more exact. As I pull into my parking lot, I hear a cacophony of high pitched squeals and beeps. Annoyed though intrigued, the sounds seemed familiar. As I get closer to my apartment door, I realize almost simultaneously that the sound is coming from my apartment and is the sound of six smoke detectors going off at once. Can someone cautiously bust into an apartment? I did just that. No smoke. IRON ON AN IRONING BOARD! But it was cool and non-burning. RUN UPSTAIRS. Nothing. W h a t t h e h e l l . . .

The usual way to get the damned smoke detectors is to find the one that is being set off and then flagellate a large cloth object (usually a bath towel) in its general direction. No smoke means no amount of flagellating will help. By this point, I am almost completely deaf. The sound is so much, I cannot even tell where it is coming from any more. All of the detectors are on the same circuit, so I started disconnecting them one by one. Being just under 6 foot tall, the detectors were *just* out of my reach to be grabbed down and disconnected. Damn it all, I just started ripping them down cautiously (again, if possible). I got 5 of them (the sixth was already disconnected) but the sound continued! I was so deaf that I couldn’t tell if the ones I had just removed and tossed to the floor were still sounding or if there was a hidden detector, or if the sound was all in my head. After an eternity of going nuts, the detectors timed out and the silence was deafening.

None of my roommates were home, there was no smoke, it made no sense. Thinking of how great my luck is, I knew that if I left all of the detectors disconnected there *would* be a fire. Replaced the two downstairs: no problem. Replaced the one in the upstairs hall: no problem. Replaced the ones in the other bedrooms: no problem. Replace the one in my bedroom: FUCKING DEAFENING CACOPHONY GETS REVENGE. You know that little confused path that people comicly take when they don’t know where to go or what to do? You know, rush off in one direction, quickly reverse, spin around in a circle then just charge forward? I did just that, in my own room, in my own apartment. Ripped down the detector in my room and the sound stopped.

All of this chaos because a single smoke detector isn’t working properly. I still can’t hear right.

Collapse, I loth and abhor thee! Why must Roger torment me with his high score of 236,110? My 233,077 seems so pathetic in comparison.

Hmm, even though it looks down right now, here are some examples from an IRC quotes page:

<Chirako> You know what cereal is really nasty?

<Chirako> Gravy Train.

<Chirako> It’s like, these little hard pieces of bran and crumbly beef flavored crap. You pour water over it, and it gets soggy and makes gravy around it.

<Disco_Ernie> Chirako..that’s…dog food..

<Chirako> It was NOT dog food!

<Chirako> Mommy wouldn’t feed me dog food!

* Chirako looks at Mommy

<Chirako> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

<Chirako> IT’S DOG FOOD!

<Chirako> http://www.gravytraindog.com/

<Chirako> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

<Chirako> She’s always been obsessed with me eating dog food… >_<

<Chirako> When I was little, she told me the Jerky Treats were real jerky, and I kept eating the whole bag

* Chirako gags

<Chirako> If there’s one thing dogs love, it’s rich,

<Chirako> beefy gravy. That’s why every nugget of

<Chirako> Gravy Train is basted in real beef juices.

<Chirako> Just mix it with warm water, and you can

<Chirako> give your dog a warm homestyle meal,

<Chirako> dripping with the delicious gravy he loves.

* Chirako graons

<Chirako> Oh, man…. I’m gonna kill her

<Disco_Ernie> At least Chirako will have:

<Disco_Ernie> Healthy skin

<Disco_Ernie> Glossy coat

<Disco_Ernie> Strong teeth and bones

<Disco_Ernie> Builds and maintains body tissue

<Disco_Ernie> Efficient digestion

<Disco_Ernie> Clear eyes

<Chirako> ..I should have known.

<Chirako> She NEVER makes me breakfast

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<stank> guys.. i went out tonight.

<stank> i pretended to be a normal college student.

<stank> and i stood uncomfortably on a porch with a bunch of people i don’t know.

<stank> but then i ran into bill and will, who were pretending in the same way.

<stank> so we talked about networks and i felt better.

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<Dane-lo_brown[DJedi]> I got in trouble in school cause my Espanol teacher asked what architecture we learned from the latinos and i said cardboard boxes

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<Paradox> So, guys, I have some news.

<Paradox> I know I usually don’t talk much about stuff unless it’s solid, but this is interesting, and I think you should know.

<Paradox> I just got an E-mail about an interesting proposition. * volsung_ perks up.

<Paradox> Apparently, there are lesbians that want my ‘hard cock.’

* volsung_ flips Paradox the bird.

<volsung_> 🙂

<Paradox> They want it ‘now,’ apparently, so the timetable is somewhat limited.

<volsung_> Are you going to just take their offer as presented, or is there an opportunity for negotiation?

<Paradox> I’m not sure.

<volsung_> I’m sure your hard cock is in great demand. An exclusive deal might not be in your best interest.

<Paradox> Last time I got an offer like this, there were some catches.

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<andy> moo spelled backwards is moo

<andy> no wait

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<SDHawk> I tried to go to dictionary.com, but I can’t spell it right.

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<knobsthebear> How the hell did Korea find time between StarCraft and Diablo II to make it this far into the World Cup?

Again, this is my link depository. I don’t want to forget about this how-to about OpenBSD and VPNs.

Since I started working a normal job (7 AM – 4 PM, Monday through Friday), I have been going to bed by 11 PM at the latest (yeah, soy un perdedor). This morning was the second half of my A+ certification exam. So, instead of studying last night, I went to the bar and drank 2 pints of Bass on an empty stomach. I went to bed drunk around 12:30 AM, didn’t study in the morning and still passed. Ahh, the college life.

My recent meals:

Yesterday

Breakfast: Corn Pops and coffee with 1 day-past-due milk

Lunch: 2 inches of an Italian sub from Quiznos

Early Dinner:Slice of pizza and 7oz pop at Comerica Park

Late Dinner: Banana/Strawberry smoothie and iced tea

Today

Breakfast: Corn Pops and coffee with 2 day-past-due milk

Lunch: Can’t eat, going to puke.

I *love* worthless data! While writing an email, I scanned my desk and observed that there were more empty cans of Diet Pepsi than of Diet Coke. My tastes are changing (in so many ways). Curioius as to what was the most popular “soft drink”, I found this data:

Lets see, what’s been going on lately?

• I scheduled the second portion of the A+ certification exam for this Thursday. If the difficulty of this exam is on par with the first portion, I have already passed.
• All of the interns are going to a Tigers game on Tuesday. I have only been to a handful of baseball games in my life and this will be the first time I have gone to the new stadium. Honestly, I hope all the money that is being dumped into Detroit does some good. Compuware is moving their headquarters down there, we have the casinos now, Ford Field will be the new home of the Lions, etc etc. Time will tell, as will the census. If the population reaches a million again, that is a good sign.
• I saw UFC 38 last night. The only fight that was truly interesting was Genki Sudo versus Leigh Remedios. Sudo came out looking like a WWE wrestler, so I already hated him. When the fight started, he was throwing out taunts like candy and just acting cocky. Turns out, this ploy worked as it threw off Remedios’ game. Sudo finished him with a lightning fast rear naked choke. Now I like this guy.
• Speaking of UFCs and Detroit, Chris was telling me that the one that was held in Detroit was a complete disgrace. To allow the fights in Michigan, there could be no punching. How is that mixed martial arts? The pay-per-view numbers were *halved* for the next UFC. Good job, Detroit. The tag line for UFC 38 was “Brawl in the Hall”, as it was held at Royal Albert Hall in the UK. Chris and Marty couldn’t remember the tag line for the Detroit UFC, so we decided it had to be “Motor City Mayhem”, “Motown Showdown” or “D-town Beatdown”. So cheesy.

So, I passed the A+ hardware exam. This exam is scheduled for 30 minutes and I finished it in 6. There should be a bonus for finishing in 1/5th of the allotted time.