Of course, none of these are real quotes, but anyway:

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”

— Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)

“You’re basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.”

— Yasir Arrafat (On going to war over religion)

“I found my wife in bed naked one day next to a Vietnamese guy and a black guy. I took a picture and sent it to Benetton. You never know.”

— Robin Williams

“I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.”

— Michael Flatley (lead Riverdancer)

“On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.”

— Bruce Willis (on the difference between men and women)

“And God said: ‘Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.’”

— George Burns=20

“What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse.’ ”

— Sandra Bullock

“Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die.”

— Carmen Boyle (Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner – 1996)

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.”

— Sharon Stone

“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you’re anxious to meet people who do.”

— Henry Kissinger (former US Secretary of State)

“My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee – the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.”

— Dan Rather (News anchorman)

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, ‘Thyroid problem?’”

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”

— Courtney Cox (Monica on “Friends”)

“Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.”

— Tiger Woods=20

“Things you’ll never hear a woman say: ‘My, what an attractive scrotum!’”

— Patricia Arquette=